GRIEF AND PAIN

The relationship between grief and pain has been known for eons. Here I speak of measurable, quantifiable pain. Bodily pain, as is the grief. Headaches, hip pains, neck pain, lower backaches. No known cause, the reports and investigations are clear yet the pain is there and felt.

Neglecting this pain can be deleterious. Grief is usually spoken in terms of the loss of a loved one. It can lead to the inability to regain their regular functionality. The will to be active is dissipated as the mind cannot understand the reason behind anything. As we move less the pain increases. The muscles get tighter and the functionality reduces further. This vicious cycle is tough to break. This is the time when the social fabric comes into play. Support and encouragement of one’s social fabric can help.

The stages of grief known to us today are loosely categorized as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But, it is not this easy. There is a lot of overlapping in grief. Not to forget the guilt that comes with it. The “what ifs” as we may call them. These are very difficult emotions. Not only do they increase the already present pain but other somatic expressions may happen. This is an ongoing process and the belief that it can be rectified easily is a myth. Sometimes we do not realize that the new pain that has developed is a manifestation of the grief that has been suppressed. Grief is not always personal loss, like we cry after watching a movie similarly witnessing grief may also affect us. It may open up a channel that has been suppressed or evoke fear that was not even there. 

The symptoms vary from generalized fatigue to moderate to severe pain. How the pathway will be created for this is unusual. Sometimes it is evident as an old pain resurfaces but it becomes challenging when it is new. There may be times when grief may surface as a surprising symptom like an itch, which is also a sensory phenomenon like pain. This is just naming one. What form this grief will present is unpredictable, from loss of appetite to excruciating pain resembling a cardiac problem is not unheard of. We cannot label everything under the blanket of grief. Evidence-based medicine relies on the proof we collect from ruling out pathological variants. We need to be sure that the symptoms are not being underdiagnosed.

Grief causing pain is understandable, pain causing grief….confusing. The cohort of people suffering from chronic pain who suffer with tremendous grief is not shocking. Loss of work, loss of relationships, loss of social fabric, loss of opportunities, these are losses too and they can be very bothersome. Like chronic pain, this also happens over time. Most of us notice when our work gets affected as it affects us monetarily. What we tend to forget is that our personal lives have already been affected. As we go and suppress the emotion and pain component we slowly also move away from our social fabric. Our functionality is affected. This leads to turmoils in relationships taking a very negative shape. 

Acute episodes of pain can be helped with medications, both pharmaceutical and interventional. Relief from pain is good. But when this gets into a chronic mode we need to shift gears. It becomes imperative that we make the connection between pain and grief. We need to understand that this grief is not going away any time soon. One needs help so get it. Reach out. There are methods and ways that professionals can teach you and help you resolve this setback. The relief road comprises of counseling and getting into a set discipline involving exercise and mindfulness. If you are unable to do it yourself, ask for help. Our social fabric will always step up and help.